Divorced Man's Guide to Life

The Power of Money

2009-11-01T21:28:00.003-06:00

I had the pleasure of attending my son's parade for Halloween. This is where all of the kids get in their costumes and walk a couple of blocks as their parents "ooh" and "aah". The parade went off without much of a hitch as the rain held off and no one was injured.

It was after the parade that things got intersting. As I was on my way to get my son from his room, the Principal stopped me. He said that he had noticed that my son was coming to school with a hand full of quarters each morning and purchasing pens, pencils and paper. Now, the kid has been in school for about two full months, so I find it hard to believe that he would need any more supplies than we have already purchased. I thanked the Principal for his insight into my son's behavior and slowly walked to retrieve my son from his room.

I was torn as to how I was going to confront my son. I didn't want to make a scene at the school. I have done this once before and I ended up in more trouble than my son.

When I arrived at his classroom, I asked to see all of his pens, pencils and workbooks. He showed me all of his supplies with pride and some wonder. It was almost as if he could sense that I knew what he was doing.

We left the room and my mind was racing. I stopped him near the dispensers of the school supplies and asked him if he needed any more pens, pencils, etc. Sheepishly, he stated that he had enough. Then I asked him if this was where he was purchasing the new supplies. Again, very sheepishly, he said yes.

It is at this point that I sought to discover what he found so empowering about the ability to purchase new supplies. I asked him to explain where he got the money to buy these supplies. To his credit, he told me that he was taking the coins from a large canister in the office at home. I asked him why he felt that he needed to steal from me to get new supplies. He was unable to give me an answer and the tears were starting to well up in his eyes. In order to not cause a large scene, I told him to get going toward the car.

In the car, I tried to get him to tell me why he needed to steal the money from me and again, he was unable.

I am truly puzzled as to why he would need to buy more supplies. He has enough for a couple of years of elementary school!

Perhaps, he feels empowered by the ability to steal. It is not about the supplies but more about stealing without getting caught.

Needless to say, my son was unable to go out trick-or-treating. His punishment is to have to sit next to his sister and watch her eat all of the candy her heart desires.

I am still working on the reason for his need to steal. He has never wanted for much in his life. I have done all that I can to make sure that he is well fed, has clothes to wear and a comfortable bed to sleep in. Maybe I need him to see what it is like to "want" a little more in his life.

Emotions

2009-10-18T22:06:00.005-05:00

As a man, I have been told, repeatedly, that I am not to be emotional. All emotions are bad!!

This has come to me directly from my father. My father has about as much emotion as R2D2 from Star Wars. (Yes, I realize that I dated myself with that reference.) My father has always been able to deflect any emotion and move forward by taking care of some mundane task with all of the veracity of a grizzly bear. Therefore, as I have been led to believe, all emotion should be disregarded and is considered useless.

This has caused me to become very stoic. In fact, I have even joked about my "stone heart".

However, with my divorce, I have turned into another person. I seemed to turn into a menstruating woman!! I will cry at the drop of a hat or a song on the radio. I have taken my kids to the movies, all of them child oriented, and cried. I seemed to have opened Pandora's box of emotions and all of them seem to come at me at once.

For example, if you are feeling a little down, I do not recommend listening to anything written by Gordon Lightfoot. I nearly drove into a bridge embankment after listening to his "Greatest Hits" album. I couldn't see from the tears!!

All of my emotional outbursts have not been bad. In fact, my ex has stated that I have become a much more caring person. I seemed to have found empathy.

All that being said, I am an emotional wreck!! I am riding a roller coaster of emotions every hour of every day. I feel like a manic depressive!!

I am trying to keep my emotions in check but I am not sure that is what I want to do. Even now, I am torn as to how I feel about how I feel.

The lesson that I would like to impart is that you need to communicate your feelings. This was, in my opinion, the reason for my divorce. I was never able to tell my ex about how I felt, what I was feeling or why I was feeling it.

Men, let your father's words fall on deaf ears. Get in touch with your emotional selves and discuss them with women. They are always willing to listen and offer some sort of feedback.

I found out too late and will never be the same.

Some people say that this would be a good thing!

Small town bars and the people who inhabit them!

2009-10-11T21:10:00.002-05:00

So, I was able to go out last night. I spent about four hours at a friend's house watching the LSU/Florida college football game. It has become a tradition over the last three years. We get together, watch the game and have a few cocktails.

After about four beers, two waters and an hour of not drinking, I decided to drive home. I was not drunk and hadn't had an alcoholic drink for over an hour before I left. However, I was not ready to go home. I updated my Facebook page with the status of "being out on the town". I received a response from a friend that there was a band playing at a bar in the small town where I live. Since I did not want to go home yet, I decided to check them out.

At this point, all of the following events are true to the best of my knowledge.

I walked into the bar and, as always, the patrons all turned to see who it was and if they recognized the "new guy". As I live in this town but do not often go out there, no one seemed to pay much attention to me.

I found a seat at the bar and ordered a beer. I noticed a group of eight people, four men and four women, that seemed to have been there for quite a while. They were loud but not obnoxious and very obviously intoxicated. This group was situated at one end of the bar.

There was a table of two couples. They were on their way out just as I was sitting down. They were late 20's or early 30's.

Sitting at another table were four ladies. They had a number of drinks in front of them and were busy talking amongst themselves.

This is where things seemed to move directly into the Twilight Zone!!

The band had been on a break when I arrived and were ready to get back to playing. As it was the end of the night, they started out with a slower song to get the crowd onto the small dancefloor. The four couples situated at the end of the bar decided to go out onto the dancefloor and make it known that they were very intoxicated and quite amorous. The slow song led to lots of passionate, sloppy kisses and groping on the dancefloor. At the end of the song, the four males decided to head back to their beer as the girls were dancing provacatively to a faster song.

At the end of the faster song, one of the ladies decided that the best way to get her man's attention was to flash him. So, she yelled at him and pulled up her shirt and bra. Of course, as she yelled, everyone was looking at her. However, she did not have any sort of problem with this and left her boobs out for everyone to see! This generated some hoots and hollers from the male patrons.

Generally, I love women in a state of undress. I find the female form a wonderful distraction from everyday life. I do think that there is a time and place for this type of behavior. If she were more enterprising, she would be doing this on a stage with a pole and bringing in some income rather than for free in a small town bar.

After the public display, my attention was drawn back to the table of four women. It seems that two of them decided to call it a night. This left an outgoing blond and a quiet shy brunette to fend for themselves. The blond was having a hard time with a group of men that wanted to take her home. I found her behavior very interesting. She wasn't interested in these men but enjoyed the attention that they were giving to her.

At this point, I have downed the beer and a vodka/red bull. Feeling the effects of the liquid courage, I walked over to the table with the brunette and introduced myself. Throwing all caution to the wind, I introduced myself and offered to "help" the blond girl out by pretending to be interested in her. This would take some of the pressure off of her from the group of men and give me an opportunity to make a new friend.

I managed to get her away from this group of men and we enjoyed a drink. But, she kept going back to this group as her need for attention overwhelmed her need for security. In fact, it seems that she now was trying to play me against the group in an effort to get more attention.

In typical fashion, I retreated to the safe brunette and asked about her boyfriend. Of course, she had one. Why would you spend time with a vapid blond who is constantly seeking attention? We had a nice conversation going as the bartender announced the last call.

At this point, the blond girl came back to the table and threw her arm around me. She stated that I needed to get in her car as she was concerned for her safety. As the nice guy, I volunteered to have them drive me to my car, a few blocks away, and this would alleviate the pressure from the other group.

So, as the night wraps up, I am sitting in the back seat of a car where a cute brunette who has a boyfriend will drive me back to my car. There is a very drunk blond girl who can't decide if the group of men is dangerous or exciting or both. I get in my car and drive the three blocks home.

Looking back on the night, I am in awe of the people in small town bars. For next Friday and Saturday night, this story will retell itself.

Alone in the closet, again!

2009-10-09T23:21:00.001-05:00

I am going to warn you now that some of the theme's of this blog are not for those under 18.

I am a heterosexual male of about 40 years old. I am very active as I work out with weights at least three times a week and walk the other two or three days. I am a single father of two wonderful children, my daughter is 11 and my son is 7.

The title of this edition comes from a recognition of my sex life over the last two years of my now failed marriage. It seems that whenever I wanted to have sex, my ex-wife would be too tired or find some other excuse so as not to have to touch me. Therefore, I would find myself in the closet, masturbating. Alone in the closet, again!

As my marriage unravelled to its inevitable end, I found that my sex drive actually increased. It was as if I wanted to prove to either myself or my ex that I was willing to continue to have sex. The sex life that I did have was strictly self inflicted. I spent a lot of time in the closet, alone.